where the gin is cold but the piano's hot

It's the holiday season, and I want to share something marvelous with you: the gift of gin. What do you think of when someone mentions gin? I automatically start humming "All That Jazz." (No? Nobody?) Whatever it is you think of, it probably has something to do with old people. You are missing out, my friends. Here is a quick beginner's guide to gin-drinking.

Gin is not a very restrictively defined liquor. The number one requirement: It must be predominantly flavored with juniper berries and taste of juniper, although distillers often throw in anise, caraway, coriander, and other botanicals to achieve unique flavors. The vast majority of widely-available gins are made in the London dry style.

"Gin Lane": an 18th-cent. William Hogarth print

A Dutch doctor is credited with inventing the spirit as we know it. Its initial purpose was medicinal: The botanicals in the liquor were thought to treat a variety of illnesses. (Juniper-flavored liquor itself was used centuries earlier as a remedy for the bubonic plague, although we all know how well that one turned out.) Gin is cheaply and easily made, and became especially popular in England among the poor and degenerate during the 18th century. Concerned citizens were convinced that gin would destroy British society. Although it has declined in popularity, the word's negative connotations are still around, especially in the U.K. (Hang out with a poncy Brit  long enough and you're bound to hear him call someone a "gin-soaked trollop" eventually.) The ease of production also made gin a highly popular speakeasy drink in the U.S. during prohibition. So when you drink gin, you're actually participating in a long and illustrious tradition of debauchery.

Disclaimer: Gin IS one of those drinks that you'd better buy top-shelf or not bother drinking at all. When it's bad, it's really bad. Also, if you're a party girl that drinks just to get wasted, stick to the cherry vodka sours and shame on you. But if you like to have one or two good cocktails every now and again, I'd highly recommend you try one of the following:

Bombay Sapphire martini. Most people prefer their martinis with vodka, but I think that gin martinis are about a million times better. I've discovered I like mine extra dry with no olives, but to each his own.

Citadelle on the rocks. This French product is one of the best moderately-priced sipping gins out there. It includes 19 botanicals from all over the world (cardamom from India, lemon peel from Spain, grains of paradise from West Africa...you get the idea). Pour it over ice and enjoy.

Gimlet. This tasty little cocktail (basically liquor and lime juice) is good with any top-shelf London dry gin, or Plymouth gin if it's available. This one is good if you're feeling kinda noir; it was Raymond Chandler's drink of choice. Gimlets can also be made with vodka - Don't do it!

Tanqueray and tonic. This is the most classic gin cocktail and probably the biggest crowd-pleaser. Tanqueray is the best with tonic in my opinion. (Tanqueray Rangpur, which has a much limier flavor, is really great too, but most places around here don't carry it, alas.)

Fun fact: The gin and tonic has its roots in colonial India, where the British would mix quinine with carbonated water and gin to help protect themselves against malaria.