haterade: giant squid

Am I the only person who is just incredibly freaked out by the idea of the giant squid? I guess I'm a bit behind, but I had no idea these things were real. I recently found out that researchers from the Japan's National Science Museum actually caught one on film. And, unlike in Harry Potter, apparently giant squids are not likely to let you tickle their tentacles. This news has completely changed my entire perspective on life.

omigod

 Why I will have nightmares about giant squids tonight:

1. The one they got was 24 feet long, and it's a small one. They actually are estimated to reach nearly 60 feet in length, although they live so deep down in the ocean that they're very difficult to observe in the wild.

are you serious

2. They're vicious! I just read about a poor dead female who was dismembered and washed up on shore in Tazmania, apparently the victim of what can only be called squid rape. What's the world coming to. (By the way, I'm talking about a female squid, not human...eesh.)

3. Giant squids have beaks and circular saw-like suckers. I repeat: beaks & tentacles of death.

4. These things have only one known predator: Sperm whales. Sperm whales are the largest living animals with teeth. Moby Dick was one. They're huge and scary. And they're the only thing in the wild that can take on a giant squid. Sooo.

team sperm whale!

As you may recall, I get upset about animal extinction. But if all giant squids were suddenly to collectively disappear from the face of the earth, I think I'd get over.

Great news! There's another species of squid out there know as the Colossal Squid, which may or may not be scarier than the Giant Squid. Well, that's fun.

how do you say "michael jackson nose" in burmese?

According to the BBC, conservationists have discovered a new species of monkey in Burma: Rhinopithecus strykeri.

Locals call this creature mey nwoah, meaning monkey with an upturned face, and say that they're easy to find: When it rains, water gets up the poor babies' noses and they can't stop sneezing. So - get this - when it rains, these monkeys sit with their head between their legs to keep the water out of their schnozes. Friggin adorable.

There's only about 300 of these funny little guys left in the wild. As is the case with many rare and wonderful creatures, their habitat is being destroyed. This time the culprits are Chinese loggers. Here's hoping the mey nwoah sticks around a little while.

zombie bears

you know that feeling when you eat too many dead Russians and you just wanna take a nap?

Russian bears are eating dead people. Seriously, they are breaking into coffins and eating their contents. The dry summer diminished their normal food supply, so they've made the switch from berries and mushrooms to decomposing flesh and the occasional Komi villager. (When the going gets tough, the tough get going.) I am sympathetic to their plight, and therefore would like it to be known that, when I die, I wish to be dumped in the Taiga woodlands as bear food. I know they'll put me to good use.

farewell, herbie

they want to know why it had to be herbie

R.I.P. Herbie the black rhino. If you've been to the San Antonio Zoo anytime in the past 11 years, you probably know him. I don't know why God couldn't have taken one of the less-cool creatures (the giant hissing cockroaches come to mind), but life isn't fair is it? Herbie died at 18, although black rhinos are supposed to live past 40 in captivity. His death was sudden and seemingly inexplicable - I smell foul play.

All joking aside, this sucks for number of reasons, but the main one is that the black rhinoceros is a critically endangered species. Over the years their numbers have declined about 96%, mostly due to poachers and the demand for rhino horn from the Far East (particularly Vietnam). They think it's some kind of miracle aphrodisiac, when really it's just the rhino equivalent of human fingernails...no medicinal benefits at all. Way to go, Asia. There are only about 4,000 black rhinos left. (The white rhinoceros numbers aren't as bad, but they are also endangered.) And the situation is getting worse, not better.

Some good news is, although poaching is on the rise, so are efforts to stop it. In South Africa game reserve wardens have begun embedding GPS systems directly into the horns of the rhinos under their watch. This measure will monitor their movements, alert them to suspicious activity, and (hopefully) deter poaching. And, FYI, former supermodel Elle McPherson has endorsed eating rhino horns for wrinkles or some crap. So be sure to send a little haterade her way if you are so inclined.

but daddy, i want a tasmanian tiger now!

tasmanian tigers are long gone

A frightening new study has been published by Science journal. It would appear that, despite strong efforts on a lot of fronts, 1 in 5 animal species are threatened with extinction. Amphibians are the worst off because no one seems to care much about them. They're not as much fun to get outraged over as rhinos and panda bears, but who doesn't love frogs?

In an NPR story this morning, Duke ecology professor Stuart Pimm said, "Species extinction is rather like death and taxes. They are an inevitable part of life, but you just don't want them to happen at too great a rate." He goes on to reveal that animals are dying off at approximately 1000 times the historical rate. In other words, some extinction is normal and natural - This ain't.

You don't have to quit driving your car or never turn your a/c on to think that cutting down rainforests in order to build palm oil plantations, for example, is not such a good deal. Can't everyone agree that we want to have cool creatures running around the planet? Diplomats, conservation biologists, and Han Solo are meeting in Japan to discuss whether everyone's pulling their weight in slowing down the rate of extinction and trying to figure out what else can be done. Hope it works out for them...and us.

Costa Rica's golden toad =  no mas

baiji - Chinese river dolphin, declared extinct in 2006