samhain: for pagans who like to party

guy in bow tie: creepiest person in picture

I don't know about you, but my parents knew that letting me go around the neighborhood in a Tinkerbell costume on Oct. 31 collecting Almond Joys and M&Ms wouldn't lay open my soul for demonic possession. Believe it or not, this is a legitimate concern for some people. Some parents actually refuse to let their children trick-or-treat because they think the holiday is evil. Despite my disdain for the Halloween paranoia that reigns in some Christian churches and schools (which I rank on the weirdo-meter right up there with their crusade against Harry Potter, but that's for another day), I must admit that they are not just epic party-poopers: The holiday really IS a bizarre pagan tradition. And, yeah, it all got started because of the belief that evil spirits roam the earth on this one night. Ever heard of Samhain? Weeeelllll.

Samhain is the basis for Halloween. The ancient Celts, who lived about 2,000 years ago in Ireland, the U.K., and northern France (where they were, and still are, a lot less poncy and obnoxious than their countrymen - just so you know where I stand on the French), believed that on Samhain night the line between the world of the living and the dead became blurred. The dead spirits would show up to steal babies, kill animals, destroy crops, and wreak havoc for fun. The Celts got ready for this by throwing a big party for their gods: They'd put on their best animals heads and skins, light a bonfire, sacrifice some sheep (and maybe a virgin or two), dance a bit, and tell each others fortunes. They celebrated this festival in the beginning of November, when they knew that a hard cold winter (which always equaled starvation, sickness, and death back in the day) was right around the corner. So Samhain wasn't exactly a big happy brouhaha; It was all about the Celts anticipating evil spirits making their lives miserable and maybe not making it through the winter. Modern-day Christians can't logically begrudge them for trying to appease their deities this way instead of turning to Jesus or going to the "Fall Festival" at the local Baptist church, because, um...Christianity didn't exist yet.

this pumpkin is having the time of his life

When the Romans showed up and conquered the Celts they brought their own brand of paganism, including Feralla, a festival marking the passing of the dead in late October. But it was the Catholic church who, in the 800s, introduced All Saints, All Hallows, and All Souls Days. This string of fall festivals was dedicated to martyrs and saints (aka the dead) and was specifically meant to replace the older Celtic and Roman traditions (which, as it happens, were also all about...the dead). These festivals were collectively referred to as - ta da! - Hallowmas. And yes, beginning around 1000 AD, the celebrations included bonfires and costumes. Loreena McKennitt, a Canadian folk artist, wrote a really beautiful song about it.

So basically the Catholics just slapped a new name on Samhain and kept the tradition alive. They tend to be more down to party than their Protestant brethren, who are usually the ones getting all up-in-arms over Halloween. Most of our holidays actually have roots in pagan traditions, but Halloween is the one that gets picked on (understandably, I guess) because of its ancient association with death and the supernatural. And there are some odd people out there who really take its roots very seriously. I don't spend my Halloweens with pagans, but they don't freak me out nearly as badly as the gaggles of women who asphyxiate one another while Christmas shopping on Black Friday...speaking of evil traditions.

they've definitely been dipping into the trashcan punch

Most of our Halloween customs have very colorful stories behind them:

• Jack O' Lanterns: What happens when you go boozin' with the Devil
• Trick-or-treating: When beggars knocked on your door instead of hanging out at traffic lights
• Costumes: Because demons are big scaredy-cats

I think it's cool (and harmless) that this millennia-old festival has survived and evolved into what it is today. I think of Halloween in purely secular terms, but I guess it's what you make it. Want to wear some fox pelts and dance around a fire? Want to dress as a slutty cop and drink trashcan punch? Want to keep your kids inside because you're uncomfortable with the whole thing? Do what you do, y'all. I myself will be carousing in a sock monkey costume this Samhain. Cheers!